Road Rage

Story 1:

Just like most mornings I woke up late and didn’t really feel like going to work. Everything was going okay until I started making my breakfast and burned my bagel. I couldn’t find any ham so I ended up with a chicken and cheese breakfast sandwich. Still not a bad day.

So, I’m driving to work eating my burnt chicken and cheese bagel and I pull in to the passing lane to go around a semi. I look in my rearview and see a black Mercedes quickly pulling up behind me. Behind the wheel is a obnoxious woman screaming into her telephone. She looked a bit like a chicken with all the flapping and head bobbing and squawking going on in her car.

I speed up to try to get around the truck faster, check my mirror again and now see chicken head lady with her way to big sunglasses right behind me screaming. I speed up…I get enough room between my car and the truck and start to pull over to let her pass.

As I take a bite of my sandwich and try to forget about chicken head I look behind me and see her swerving into the right lane to pass me, still screaming at me, and the quickly swerve back into the left lane.

At this point I’m starting to feel all the anger boiling up in me…I start thinking about how bad my burnt bagel with chicken actually tastes, how not fun work is going to be, and about how Ice Cube was right when he said tv news coverage doesn’t care about what’s going on in the hood.

Before I knew it I realized my head and shoulders were completely outside the driver side window…my left middle finger was two feet away from chicken heads car and I was screaming, “I HOPE YOU DIE YOU F@*KING C#%T!!!”…(sorry ladies, but yes I dropped the C-word and I’m not proud of it). as I gathered myself and pulled my head and arm back into the car I thought about how disappointed Jesus, Oprah and even my grandmother would be.

After a few minutes I realized I didn’t care…it was a release. The best part is my work day turned out to be cakes and rainbows and pussy cats.

So I guess the moral of this story is that Chicken heads with big glasses are part of life and life is beautiful.