I like to ride my bicycle

I don’t own a bicycle, but the other day I found myself wanting to go for a ride. Luckily for me my friend Josh recently rode his mom's bike over to my house and left it in my garage. Just to give you an idea of what the bike looks like, it’s purple, it has a bell, and it’s about a foot to small for me.

Not worried about how I looked, I headed out to ride one of Valpo’s beautiful bike trails. After a few minutes I found myself behind an older lady on her bike.

This lady was a little larger and she was wearing a way to tight pair of shorts. I don’t think the pants were designed to be tight they were more of a victim of their circumstances. To make my view even better there was a little bit of coin slot showing between her shirt and her to tight shorts.

I’ve heard rappers refer to girls making their ass talk or clap, but her ass was making more of a chewing motion. The movement became hypnotic. My gaze locked in on her large bottom as it moved up and down.

Queen’s song “Bicycle” started running through my head. Then I started thinking about how cool it is that “Bicycle” actually referenced “Fat Bottom Girls”, another great Queen song.

Before the thought left my brain I felt my front tire catch the side of the bike path. I began to loose control, as I reached for a better grip on the handlebars I actually pushed on the bell and made it ring. So, as I’m loosing control and falling of my bike the bell is ringing a bringing more attention to me.

I’m not sure, but it felt like my balls hit the ground first because a wave of horrible pain shot through my body. Before, I knew it the bike seat on my tiny purple bike made the second piece of bread in my ball sandwich.

As I lay in the grass between Campbell and the bike path I watched the lady with the tight shorts and ass crack as she rode off into the distance. I lay there not able to talk or breathe. After a few seconds a Good Samaritan walked up and asked if I was okay. I said “yes” and continued to lay there in the sun until the pain in my stomach lessened to the point I was able to walk.

I walked the rest of the way home with my little purple bike and laid down as soon as I got there.