I'm very excited to have received my first few advice questions. While only one was really a question. The other four were harassing emails making fun of everything from Mr. Matt's sexuality to his ability to give advice.

Anyway here is the first one worth posting:

Dear Mr Matt,

My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up on January 21st and I don’t know what to give her. I usually keep a list of thing she wants, but I already bought them all for her for Christmas. Do you have any ideas?

Thanks,

Boyfriend 29 years old

This is an easy one BF. Young women hate flowers and jewelry. An attractive ring and a bouquet of roses are old and cliche ways of telling a young woman you don't know her at all. It also shows that you don't care about who she really is.

Dear Mr. Matt thinks the best way to go about finding a present for your girlfriend is to sit down with a pen and paper and write out a list of her faults. Some examples might be, she is getting chubby, she is boring, or she may smell bad.

Step two in this example would be figure out gifts that would help her improve her faults. Maybe a gym membership and/or membership to Jenny Craig would be a nice way to say i love you but your clothes are to tight. Make sure if your shopping for a self help book you find one with a funny title like "Liven Up Your Personality; Because Your So Boring You're Killing Me". With a funny title there is no way she will get mad. The last one is simple. She needs to know you don't want her to go out in public smelling. Buy her gum, deodorant, foot powder, soaps and lotions. The smell covering products should say things like extra or industrial on them.

Step three would be writing a note explaining how each gift will help improve her.

This plan is fool proof. Every woman that I've ever met loves a man who is willing to help her improve where she is lacking. Follow these steps and you'll make her birthday the happiest ever.

Good luck and let me know how it goes. My guess is she won't know how to thank you. If she needs some ideas have her email me at mattsfuntimeblog@yahoo.com